Many gaslighters utilize a wound-and-soothe cycle where they alternate between inflicting harm (such as using insulting or abusive language) and positive reinforcement. They trap you in a push-and-pull cycle of abusive language and praise. Playing the victim via defensiveness and lack of responsibility is a telltale sign of gaslighting. Consider the scenario above about the presentation you know you emailed, but your boss claims they never received.Įven if you politely and respectfully push a tad further (“Would you mind doing a quick scan of your inbox again, just to make sure?”), you’ll likely be met with more abusive language (“I told you I don’t have it!” or “Are you calling me a liar?”). Rather than admit to an act of wrongdoing, they’re more likely to pin the blame on you. Nobody likes to be wrong-it’s human nature, after all-but a gaslighter often evades any notion of accountability, let alone has the decency to apologize. One of the primary behaviors that gaslighters exhibit is defensiveness.
They lash out at you if you question them.
Likewise, if you emailed a presentation due at the end of the week (and have the "sent" receipt to prove it), a gaslighting boss might question your sanity ("I never got it!" or "Obviously you forgot") regardless of any proof you have. If this scenario sounds familiar, there’s a good chance that your boss is gaslighting you. For instance, say you spoke with your boss on Monday, and they approved you leaving a few minutes early on Friday to make an appointment.įriday rolls around, and you find yourself suffering from whiplash as your boss claims, “That never happened!” and even negates your memory of the conversation (“Why would I even say that?”). Even worse, they tend to place the blame on the victim. Gaslighters often go back on their promises and deny past claims. They blatantly lie and deny their promises, even when you have proof. Keep reading to learn 6 signs that your boss may be gaslighting you in the workplace. Even in a worst-case scenario in which you are unlawfully fired for calling out inappropriate behavior, a skilled employment law attorney can help protect your employee rights and earn the compensation you rightfully deserve. 6 Signs Your Boss Is Gaslighting YouĪt the end of the day, nobody deserves to be gaslighted. Recognizing signs of gaslighting at work can equip you with needed strategies and resources to call out abusive behavior and retain your confidence, agency, and peace of mind in the workplace. This is why it’s so crucial to recognize when a boss or colleague is attempting to exert control and influence over you through belittling or manipulation. Simply put, gaslighting is a subtle way to tear someone down and chip away at their self-confidence. More often than not, a boss's effort to gaslight an employee takes subtle forms that can leave workers feeling ridiculed, humiliated, uncertain, and insufficient.
To combat toxic behavior in our work environment it's important to first have a clear understanding of what gaslighting looks like in the workplace. While the phrase is frequently used regarding personal relationships, it can apply to various aspects of our lives-including the workplace. The term “ gaslighting" refers to a process of psychological manipulation that causes someone to question their own beliefs, experiences, and sanity. Non-Compete & Non-Disclosure Agreements.
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